call it reasons

... or anything you like.

Call it PMS. Call it my attitude towards things when it didn't work out the way I want it. Call it whimpy reasons for not admitting that I've done wrong.

Whatever.



This week feels like a total coaster ride. I really had my ups and downs, far too close to one another it seems like I have double personalities. Like, one minute I'm in rage, the next I just wanna cry, and then puff! There goes my mood. I'm as happy as a sunshine. And those stupid, pain-in-the-ass mood swings is because of my lack of performance in EVERYTHING. Maybe I overthink it, maybe I'm actually not that bad. Whatever. I just.... feel that I've been missing something since that last TP game with Beavers. I'm a ship-wreck, a total havoc.

My head do stay in the game. I do focus on every pitch that I throw. But it's not what everybody see. Maybe they're right, maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe not both. What I know is that I felt this nervous feeling all over again like the one I felt when I was playing as a starter in one of those Junior games.

And it sucks. And I hate being sucks.

(Who would want it really.....)

Tauk ah. Dari yang bisa gw simpulkan dari kata-kataan orang dan apa yang ada di kepala gw sendiri, gw kebanyakan mikir gegara semester 2 mulai. Dan yeah, beban gegara ngerasa udah ada diatas. Ga boleh. Ga boleh. Harus balik ke bawah. Dan harus ga mikirin apapun itu takdir yang menunggu gw di sekolah. Harus fokus.

Bah.

I miss having a head full of positive things and positive attitude, really.

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